"Bad or not, you’ll always be my girl" - Link
As the title says please download and share my friend’s new album so I can see him shave his head XD. Make sure to name the price as $0 cuz he won’t really profit from you buying it.
The difference between Sex and Gender
Sex - Sex is a societal construct that gives an assigned sex (male or female) based on a person’s genitals. If a person is more intersex than they may be subjected to an unconsensual surgery that will attempt to reform their genitals into something that looks more ‘male’ or ‘female’.
Gender Roles - Gender roles are constructs which demand expected behaviors of a person that are parallel to their assigned sex. So for instance, masculine man and feminine woman.
Gender - Gender is psychological, but also soul, heart, and body, based on an individual level. It’s how you identify. This is not a social construct. A person’s gender may incorporate their sex and anyway that it is perceived by that individual but at this point sex is owned by self, not the public, meaning that it is no longer a construct.
The truth is we have no idea what makes us man, woman or non-binary because it is not a tangible concept but one that is abstract and unique to every mind. If it were a social construct, that would limit each person to being only what they are expected to be. Which erases trans* folk, and other people who go outside feminine woman and masculine man. Because how could these people exist if their gender is based on a pass or fail system which only allows for specific points to exist? Gender is limitless and lawless; it is an entire galaxy of stars, planets and moons, and is not spawned from cultural stipulations of what we are supposed to be.
Gender expression - How an individual communicates their gender identity to the outside world through haircut, voice, behavior, mannerisms, clothing and other external forms of presentation. There are many ways an individual can communicate their gender expression and it should be noted that not every transgender person (or cis person for that matter) will adopt a socially accepted expression that fits into society’s gender roles. There isn’t a monolithic narrative to explain a specific gender but a multitude of stories and experiences that are different for EVERYONE, and they are all correct. In addition, gender and gender expression are not an indication of sexual orientation in the slightest; a person’s hair will not tell you who they’re fucking or if they even fuck at all.
In most western cultures and it’s imperialistic outreaches have come to understand gender only as a binary concept, meaning there is only room for two sexes and correlating genders: male and female. However, many people exist today that are proof that gender cannot be simplified into two boxes but rather a continuum of possibilities.
This is a spectrum where gender is not defined by anatomy but where biology, psychology, gender expression, and gender identity intersect to form a multidimensional array of possibilities. As stated before: gender is a limitless and lawless notion.
What does this all mean?
It means these charts that I keep seeing on my dash are not only the product of a cissexist understanding of gender but painfully wrong and continue to erase trans* folk.
Stop posting these:
We’ve all seen the shirts that say, “Future Mrs. Timberlake,” “Future Mrs. Pitt,” “Future Mrs. Pattinson,” etc. Young boys aren’t taught that their entire identities and happiness center around a relationship with a woman. Why do we teach young women that their identities and worth are so tentative and conditional, and dependent upon the validation of a man? Why must the markers of a woman’s identity change so drastically in response to her relationship status? Why is a woman defined by her relationships, and how society views those relationships?
For a while, my mind has been a mess trying to figure out what my sexual orientation is. When I first began to really feel/acknowledge interest in a girl in early 2010, it scared me and threw my world into a jumble. Naturally then, I felt as though I was bisexual. With time, I realized that I had no interest in becoming sexually involved with guys; once I came to this realization, I began to identify myself as a lesbian. But my brain still was thinking about it, and something just didn’t click. And it’s been on my mind more and more lately. That’s when I decided to do some ‘technical’ research online.
I found the term affectional orientation, also known as romantic orientation.
Now, you may be saying - uh, what? But think about it like this. Sexual orientation defines who you are sexually attracted to; that is, if you’re ‘homosexual,’ you are sexually attracted to people of the same gender, ‘heterosexual,’ the other gender, and there’s also thing likes pansexuality, bisexuality, etc. More on that in a minute.
So okay, that’s fine and dandy. But the affectional orientation defines who you are romantically attracted to - and that doesn’t always match up with the sexual orientation. For instance, if you are interested in a romantic relationship (falling in love with, dating, maybe even cuddling/gift-giving/etc) with both males and females, you’d be considered biromantic. However, this doesn’t mean you’re bisexual.
Confused yet? Well, think about it. For a lot of people, these orientations match up. But for some people, it’s not that simple, and it can be extremely stressful and confusing, especially if you’re not ‘aware’ of the existence of the affectional orientation.
I think this is something SO extremely important and more people need to know about it. It’s perfectly okay for you to be romantically attracted to both genders but sexually attracted to just one, or whatever the combination may be. From what I’ve seen, there’s extremely limited research on this topic, but I think it’s really interesting.
So back to me here - I could see myself becoming romantically involved with guys or girls, so I believe I could consider myself to be biromantic. I could hold hands with, cuddle with, go on dates with, etc. both guys and girls (although I’ve never really had a relationship with a guy, it’s possible in the future.) I have pretty much no interest in sex - but right now, I’m uncertain if I’m asexual or demisexual, which means that you’re not sexually attracted to people without developing an emotional connection beforehand. (I had no idea there was even a term for that!) I haven’t had a strong, stable relationship for long enough to determine if there is a potential for sexual attraction/intimacy yet, so I can’t say for sure in that respect. I know right now, the idea of having sex with guys OR girls is not appealing to me at all; it scares me and quite frankly, disgusts me. Would those feelings change with a strong emotional connection? I can’t say - so I’m holding off on deciding if I can call myself asexual or demisexual just yet.
Honestly, I think this is such an interesting topic. More people need to know about the fact that this ‘affectional orientation’ exists and that it’s OKAY if your affectional and sexual orientations don’t match up. It’s confusing as fuck if you don’t know what’s going on in your head and you don’t know about the existence of the affectional orientation. I know that personally, after finding out that there is such a thing, I feel so much better. I feel like maybe it makes sense! And I’m not insane! And I’m sure there are lots of other people out there dealing with the same thing, so - here you go. The affectional orientation. Not the same as sexual orientation; they’re two completely separate aspects of the self, and they don’t always match up, but that is okay.
It’s important to remember that the 99% is not created equal. The people who have the ability to protest are the ones who were already at the upper end of the spectrum. Yes, having $100,000+ of student debt sucks. But you also had the means and resources to get into college and the academic record that allowed you to attend an expensive private school. Yes, having your home foreclosed sucks. But you also had the means to buy a home in the first place. And I completely agree that health insurance should be a basic human right and no one should ever have to choose between medication and food. But let’s be honest, real poor folks have had to deal with this problem long before it began to effect large swaths of the white/previously middle- to upper-class population.
To be at the protests requires a certain amount of privilege. A lack of a criminal record, for one, since even an arrest on a frivolous charge could lead to a hefty sentence. And the means to attend, of course, since for many it is impossible to take time off of work (and there’s a fear of getting fired if their employer found out they were there). There’s also the issue of access to the information that it’s going on since it’s largely been discussed on the internet; while I sympathize with the stories told at We Are the 99 Percent, I also can’t help but think to myself that these are stories of people who have access to a home computer and some type of digital camera, not to mention the computer skills needed to put a photo on Tumblr. Where are the stories of people who have never had access to a computer and thus no knowledge of how they work? Where are the stories of the people whose education didn’t prepare them for college and whom the government would rather put in jail than properly educate? Where are the stories of the people who have been putting up with this shit for generations?
The Occupation has shown that people are fed up with the current system and willing to take a stand against it. I commend that. But we must ensure that what we are standing for is realchange, not just change for a privileged few. We need an explicitly anti-capitalist message. We need to call for the dismantling of the kyriarchy. We must remember the people who can’t afford to make their stories heard and place their stories at the center of our discourse.
I’ve noticed a trend in responding to queries about genderqueer / non-binary identity with responses like “go educate yourself!” and “just google it” or “I’m not here to teach you about [insert concept]”. While it makes sense to respond with irritation if someone is being particularly invasive or asking questions they could easily find answers to elsewhere, I notice these kind of responses being given even when the question was not asked rudely, as well as when the person asking the question might not be sure where they went wrong. I think it’s important to uncover better approaches on both sides. The following applies primarily to on-line discourse but some points have in-person applications as well.
For those receiving questions:
- Telling someone to “educate themselves” or similar may leave them feeling confused and hurt. Educating oneself is ultimately a positive thing, but someone may not know where to begin. Even if they try to search, they still might not be able to find the answers that they’re seeking because, when looking up information about genderqueer identity, it can be difficult to find complete, reliable information outside of accounts of personal experience. If you are not in a position to answer their question or you think they would be better of consulting another source, you may want to direct them to sources like those listed at Genderqueer Links and Books or another favorite resource like a book, on-line community, or blog article that may help.
- If you’re being asked a question that you consider invasive or are uncomfortable answering for whatever reason, as an example: the status of your genitals, you may want to either ignore the question or simply tell them that you’re uncomfortable answering. If they won’t back down, it might be good to remind them that you doubt that they would want to be asked about something they consider private. It might seem hard to believe that many people don’t get this, but I know from first-hand experience that many people do not seem to find anything wrong with inquiring about this particular matter until the reasons why it’s not generally acceptable to ask (unless you’re someone’s doctor or sexual partner, for example!) are explained. Chances are, their intention was not to be disrespectful to you; if their question came across that way, you may want to tell them why so they can avoid doing this to others in the future.
- If someone does not have respect for your identity from the get-go or at any point in time during a discussion, you might be better off not engaging with them at all. If you don’t have the energy to answer a question or are tired of answering similar questions frequently, I recommend either ignoring the questions or having an ‘about me’ page or other reference resource to direct people to for matters you’re comfortable talking about but don’t want to have to reiterate.
- No, you shouldn’t be obligated to teach others all about your identity. However, at those times when open and respectful discussion about these matters is possible, you might be able to help someone understand something that they may be able to apply to their own life and the lives of those around them for the better - awareness of genderqueer identity will help everyone become equipped for acceptance and understanding.
For those asking questions:
- In general and unless someone specifies otherwise, asking personal questions about someone’s “real name”, inability to use a person’s preferred pronouns, or asking questions about someone’s status of genitals (whether they’re non-, pre-, or post-op) are not good moves and are likely to be taken as a sign of disrespect, even if you didn’t mean it that way.
- Do try consulting external resources first (Genderqueer Links and Books).
- When using Tumblr, reconsider asking a question anonymously. Sending someone a question under your real account, rather than anonymously, and encouraging them to respond to you with a private message rather than posting on their page may help. You are far more likely to enter into a polite discussion with another person if they can put a face (or, er, avatar) to the person they’re engaging with. Even if it is not intended that way, asking anonymously may be taken as a rude gesture. Your wording and tone becomes much more critical when you ask anonymously because of this, so think carefully before doing this.
- Get to know them. Would your first exchange with someone in-person be inquiring about their gender identity? Probably not. Being genderqueer is just a part of a person’s multi-faceted identity: we have backgrounds and interests of all sorts too. You may feel curious about something regarding someone’s gender identity right now, but if you’ve never discussed anything with them otherwise, an inquiry about this might come across as that you’re reducing them to this identity or choosing to focus on this alone. Considering the whole person is the pathway to respectful discussion.
From the moment the first call for a SlutWalk in the US went out, the AF3IRM membership – transnational women who are im/migrants or whose families are im/migrants from Latin America, Asia, and Africa – has been analyzing and discussing this burgeoning movement to address the issue of sexual violence and continuing victimization of rape victims by police, the justice system and other agents of authority.
It is a testament to the compelling nature of SlutWalk’s call against women’s victimization that we hung fire for months, hammering out our position and analyzing why, while we applaud the effort of those who organize SlutWalk, we remain uneasy about responding to such a call.
We realize that we are the ones who compose the majority of sex trafficking victims in this country, who comprise the majority of those sold in the mail-order-bride system, who are the commodities offered in brothel houses ringing US military bases in and out of this country, who are the goods offered for sexual violation in prostitution. We who are and historically have been the “sluts” from whom traffickers, pimps, and other “authorities” of the global corporate sex trade realize $20 billion in earnings annually cannot, with a clear conscience, accept the term in reference to ourselves and our struggle against sexual violence and for women’s liberation.
We therefore feel it is our responsibility to address the organizers and participants of SlutWalk and remind them that Women’s Struggle Cannot and Should not Be Monochromatic.
But I thought no one was talking about it…oh wait. Not being invited to participate in a conversation doesn’t mean the conversation isn’t happening.
Thanks to anaerb for sharing the link!
Welcome to OCCUPY TOGETHER, a hub for all of the events springing up across the country in solidarity with Occupy Wall St. As we have followed the news on facebook, twitter, and the various live feeds across the internet, we felt compelled to build a site that would help spread the word as more protests organize across the country. We hope to provide people with information about events that are organizing, ongoing, and building across the U.S. as we, the 99%, take action against the greed and corruption of the 1%.
Just because the link didn’t work for me the first time, I’m going to post links to all the Occupy sites across the country - in case y’all wanna get involved!
- Occupy Chicago
- Occupy Cincinnati
- Occupy Cleveland
- Occupy Columbus
- Occupy Indiana
- Occupy Indianapolis
- Occupy Kansas City
- Occupy Michigan
- Occupy Minnesota
- Occupy OKC
- Occupy Omaha
- Occupy OSU (Stillwater)
- Occupy St. Louis
- Occupy Tulsa
- Occupy Wisconsin
- Occupy Yougstown
- Occupy Binghamton
- Occupy Boston
- Occupy D.C.
- Occupy Hartford, CT
- Occupy Maine
- Occupy New Haven
- Occupy New Jersey
- Occupy Philadelphia
- Occupy Pittsburgh
- Occupy Providence, RI
- Occupy Rochester
- Occupy Vermont
- Occupy Arkansas
- Occupy Asheville
- Occupy Atlanta
- Occupy Birmingham, AL
- Occupy Charlotte
- Occupy Clarksville, TN
- Occupy Columbus, GA
- Occupy Daytona Beach
- Occupy Durham
- Occupy Florence, SC
- Occupy Greensboro
- Occupy Jacksonville, FL
- Occupy Knoxville
- Occupy Lexington, KY
- Occupy Louisville
- Occupy Memphis
- Occupy Miami
- Occupy Mississippi
- Occupy Nashville
- Occupy New Orleans
- Occupy Orlando
- Occupy Richmond, VA
- Occupy Tallahassee
- Occupy Tampa
- Occupy Winston Salem
- Occupy Albuquerque
- Occupy Austin
- Occupy Dallas
- Occupy Houston
- Occupy Phoenix
- Occupy San Antonio
- Occupy Tucson
- Occupy Boise
- Occupy Colorado Springs
- Occupy Denver
- Occupy Eugene
- Occupy Las Vegas
- Occupy Los Angeles
- Occupy Olympia
- Occupy Portland
- Occupy Sacramento
- Occupy Salt Lake City
- Occupy San Diego
- Occupy San Francisco
- Occupy San Jose
- Occupy Santa Cruz
- Occupy Seattle
- Occupy Spokane
Yes, there’s an event in Holland! FUCKYEAH
How do you define gender so as to see yourself as gender-less?
I tend to think of gender as something that each person needs to define for themselves. I don’t associate certain traits or hobbies with being “male” or “female.” Most people are fairly genderqueer when compared to society’s ideas of gender anyway. There’s more than male and female. I think you can be in between or outside of the two. You can also feel comfortable identifying as one of those or genderless.
I’ve grown to like the term genderless lately because (to me) genderqueer kind of implies a certain set of traits that I’m going against to begin with. I don’t believe in those set roles pushed onto people by society. That’s not to say that I don’t like the term genderqueer — I do. It’s just something that I’ve been thinking about lately. There are many different ways to interpret these terms, and I encourage people to do so.
If you feel genderless/genderqueer, then why change your body/name to one that is more “male?”
This is a good question. The things my mind want and the things my body wants are two very different sets of things. My decision to take testosterone wasn’t to make my body more “male” — it is to be the most comfortable I can be in my body. The same goes for my decision to get top surgery. I knew I wanted my chest gone way before I ever thought about being trans* or identifying as male. It has to do with connecting to my body on a personal level - not about becoming more “male.”
When it comes to my name, I chose that a few years ago. Brennan is a pretty “soft” name. A lot of people who perceive me as female don’t think it’s strange that Brennan is my name. I guess I chose a somewhat androgynous name.
Does it ever bother you that your gender isn’t always the same? If that’s how you feel, anyway.
It doesn’t bother me. I think it’s fun! I just go with the flow and take things day by day.
For you, what does it feel like to be genderless or to momentarily lose your gender?
Sometimes it’s a strange feeling (I don’t mean that in a bad way). The other day I saw a picture of a girl with a ponytail in a tank on Tumblr and I thought, “I want to look like that right now.” When it comes to being trans*, I don’t think of myself as being “female to male.” I don’t feel necessarily female or male, and if I were to simplify my identity to “female to male,” I’d be lying. When I saw the picture of the girl and thought that to myself, I didn’t think, “OH! No, but I’m a boy.” I just felt how I felt and left it at that.
When you feel more genderless or genderqueer, do you still feel more comfortable presenting as male and taking hormones? Or does that make you dysphoric?
Another good question. At this point, yes, I am comfortable with still taking testosterone. Will I want to take it forever? I don’t know. Am I comfortable presenting as male? Yeah. I don’t think of myself as presenting as anything in particular. I like clothes for clothes and that’s how I buy them. I am excited for top surgery though. My chest is something that I’ve always wanted gone, so I’m lucky in that I don’t have to worry if it’s the right decision. Regardless of my gender (or lack of gender), I want it gone.
Labels: why you like or dislike them?
I think labels are fine but I also think that people shouldn’t fret over them so much. Be who are you and do what makes you happy. Don’t feel like you need to label yourself. If you happen to find one that you feel comfortable with some day, then that’s awesome.
What are some comments you’ve recieved from strangers (good or bad)?
Ah. I’m sure I could come up with a pretty extensive list if I took the time to. When I went to court last week to get my name change papers signed, the judge was so nice and supportive. He didn’t have to be. I felt that it was genuine. He wished me the best of luck with things. I’ve had people say things about me on the streets. “Is that two girls or a boy and a girl?” My girlfriend and I were walking around one day and a group of teenagers yelled, “WOO! Gay pride!” when we walked by. Although they meant it in a positive way, it was kind of strange being so strongly identified as “different” in public by people I don’t know. I don’t think “OMG we are so queer right now” when I walk around holding my girlfriend’s hand. Most of the comments tend to come from kids (no surprise there).
What are good pronouns for someone who is genderqueer/genderless?
It all depends on the person. There are many sets of pronouns. Ask. =)
I love brennando’s blog. Always thought provoking and insightful posts (gender/trans/sexuality)